That I Live and You Are Gone
by bonjourjenn
Summary: Everything was bright here, the sun shined and the grass swayed in the wind, and when he glanced around, he could tell he was lying in a meadow. It felt…weird, here, like if he were to get up and walk around, he would hit a dead end eventually.


**I just...I don't know what happened here or where this came from. I promise it's a happy-ish ending. Warnings for technical character death. You'll see what I mean. Title comes from "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Miserables. Big super thanks to Jo for beta'ing this. Love you!**

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When Blaine's eyes opened, he couldn't feel the pain anymore. He had felt them pull him from the car, felt them cut his shirt in two and his jeans to shreds. Before now, his entire body had ached; his side was numb and sticky, and his leg was mangled from the knee down, bones protruding and blood still dripping. But here, he couldn't feel it at all.

Everything was bright here, the sun shined and the grass swayed in the wind, and when he glanced around, he could tell he was lying in a meadow. It felt…weird, here, like if he were to get up and walk around, he would hit a dead end eventually.

This wasn't Ohio, though. Of that he was certain.

The last things he could recall were singing showtunes in his shiny black audi, Kurt in the driver's seat, navigating them along the roads of Ohio.

He can remember Kurt's ear piercing scream, can remember his grip on Kurt's hand tightening. But then, like with a flash of light, everything is black. He doesn't know why Kurt screamed, why he's here, why they're not at Burt and Carole's.

They'd just gotten back from a week-long vacation to Paris, opting to leave their six year old daughter Lucy with Burt and Carole.

But Blaine doesn't know how he got _here_.

He gets up eventually, though, maybe a few hours later, desperate to find someone who could explain where he was and how he got here, and then tell him where to find Kurt.

But Kurt was walking towards him before he was even on his feet.

"Kurt!" Blaine calls out, and starts walking toward Kurt. "Kurt, where are we?"

"Blaine, you need to go back there. To Cooper, to my father, to our daughter. You can't leave her alone," Kurt whispers, and it's only up close than Blaine can see Kurt's almost _glowing_.

"Go back where?"

"Back to…Earth, I guess. You can't stay here with me, as much as I'd like you to," he says, rubbing his thumb along Blaine's cheek. "Lucy can't be alone. She needs her daddy."

Blaine's eyes well up as he realizes just where he is.

"So you're…"

"Dead, I guess," Kurt mumbles, his eyes tearing up. "But you're not. Not yet. You can still live through this, Blaine."

Blaine's lower lip trembles and he leans his cheek into Kurt's palm, lifting a hand to cover Kurt's. "I don't want to go back. There's pain and blood and I don't even know what's happened to us…I can't live the rest of my life without you."

"Baby, I don't want to live in this…wherever we are, without you. But I know that if you stay here, if you don't go back and watch Lucy grow and be there when Finn's son is born or watch your brother win an Oscar, you're going to regret it. Even if it means eternity with me."

"But—"

"Blaine Michael Hummel-Anderson, you need to think logically, alright? It's not that I want to watch you live out your life without me. I don't know what will happen when your eyes open again. But look," Kurt says, turning Blaine around to face an empty white space, and suddenly Blaine doesn't see white; he sees himself, limp and still in a hospital bed, cut up and bruised and broken but _alive_, barely.

But more than that, when he tears his eyes from his nearly lifeless body, he sees everything else: Cooper in the chair beside him, clutching Blaine's hand, his shoulders shaking silently. Blaine can make out Burt in the corner, staring into space, Kurt's wedding band held loosely in his hand.

What hits Blaine hardest is the view of his daughter. Lucy's perched on the end of his bed, legs criss-crossed and book in hand. Blaine can't hear what she's saying, but he can see her mouth trying to form words and he can see Burt smile a bit when she stumbles over the harder ones.

He watches her closely, but he still hasn't decided if he's ready to live without Kurt.

"I can't," he mutters. "I can't make up my mind."

The scene shifts, and it's dark outside the window. Blaine assumes it's the night prior, the night that all of this happened.

"Blainey, you need to open your eyes, buddy. Burt's a mess, you can't leave him behind, too. And Lucy, she's too young to lose both of her daddies. Wake up, Squirt. _You need to wake up._" And then Cooper's crying, and Blaine is sure he's only see Cooper cry once before, over the phone at three-thirty in the morning nearly twelve years ago, when Blaine's niece was born. But he didn't cry like this.

Cooper's entire body is shuddering, his sobs echoing off the walls of the hospital room, loud and violent and heart-wrenching.

"WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO YOU?" he shouts into the empty room. "Kurt is dead and you're here and you're not waking up, and Lucy is confused and she doesn't understand why Papa isn't here and why you're still sleeping and _god dammit, Blaine, WAKE UP!_"

From where he watches, Blaine can feel his resolve crumble. Kurt lays his hand on Blaine's shoulder, and the scene shifts again.

"Daddy? Daddy, please wake up? I miss your pretty eyes and your happy smile and I don't know why you're still sleeping but Uncle Coop says that if I talk to you that you can hear me? And that doesn't make lots of sense 'cause you're not answerin' like you do when I wake you up on Christmas but if Uncle Coop says you'll wake up then maybe you will but I just want you to wake up 'cause I don't know where Papa is and why Grandpa's sad and Uncle Finn is quiet and why Grandma and Aunt Rachel won't stop cryin' an' you'd be able to-to tell me because you're the smartest most perfect daddy and I love you and—"

"Lucy, sweetie? We need to go, okay?" Rachel whispers from the doorway, Lucy's little coat in hand.

Lucy leans forward and kisses Blaine's cheek, the warmth of his body still there but the color fading. She doesn't understand it, but Lucy knows it's bad.

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice pulls him from the scene before him and it's then that he notices they're both crying.

"I have to….but I….and you…"

"Honey, you need to make up your mind. You're fading. You're dying."

Blaine nods and doesn't even bother to stifle his sobs. This is the last time he'll see Kurt for…years. Years and decades and Kurt won't be there for Lucy's first boyfriend and first day or high school and sending her to college or her wedding or children or _any of it_. But Blaine can be. Blaine can be there for her when she needs him. He's sure he won't be good with talking about boys or braiding her hair but he can_ try _ and he's going to, because that little girl is Kurt's daughter and she's going to be the living piece of him and Blaine's going to make sure her life is perfect. Even if his isn't.

"Can you…are you able to kiss me? Will you feel it?"

"I'll feel it, yes. Are you going to go back?"

Blaine just nods again, stepping forward into Kurt's open arms and collapsing into his chest, his sobs loud and anguished. Kurt plants kisses on his temple, his tears silent and flowing steadily into Blaine's hair.

"Blaine," he whispers after a few minutes. "You need to go, okay? You'll have to just fall asleep, love, and then you'll be able to open your eyes to reality again. Okay?"

Kurt slowly lowers them both to the ground, sitting up straight with Blaine in between his legs, the way they would sit as they played Barbies with Lucy or how they would sit to read at night, snuggled up in their bed after sex.

Blaine clutches tight to Kurt's arms that are wrapped around his stomach, and he tilts his head back.

"Please kiss me."

Kurt complies, kissing Blaine softly at first, and as Blaine starts to fade bit by bit, the kiss gets harder; it becomes more of the goodbye that it is. Kurt pulls back eventually, and tugs Blaine against his chest again.

"Close your eyes, Blaine. Just go to sleep. You'll see me again soon enough. And I'll be watching you every step of the way. You'll know I'm there, I promise. You just need to have courage."

"I love you," Blaine manages to choke out. "I love you so much." He leans back against Kurt, pulling himself closer and resting his head on Kurt's shoulder. One of Kurt's hands comes off Blaine's stomach and weaves into his curls, scratching lightly at Blaine's scalp and pushing his hair around.

"I love you, Blaine. Now sleep."

Blaine closes his eyes, and soon enough, he's asleep.

When he opens his eyes again, he expects to be in a white, dismal room surrounded by Cooper and Lucy and machines.

But he's not.

The walls around him aren't white, but dark green.

The comforter tangled around his body is grey and red and white.

He knows if he looked to the right, he would see the picture of Kurt from his campaign.

Suddenly Blaine is aware of the tears on his face and the cold sweat causing his clothes to stick to his body.

He ignores that though, and grabs for his phone.

He dials speed dial 2, and waits.

It rings and rings and rings until-

"_Blaine? It's nearly four in the morning, why are you calling me? Are you okay?"_ Kurt's voice is scratchy with sleep and he's probably going to be mad, but instead of answering, Blaine just starts crying.

"_Blaine, sweetie? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"_

"I…I had a really, really bad dream," Blaine starts, and through his choked sobs he manages to ramble out a story. "T-there was an accident but I didn't re-remember it and you were dead and we were in h-heaven or limbo or something but I needed to go back because I was comatose and our daughter needed me and Cooper was _crying_ and the last thing I did was say goodb-bye to you for good and then I closed my eyes and then I woke up but it was so real and I just…I needed to hear you. To make sure you were o-okay."

"_Blaine, I'm okay. You're okay. It was just a bad dream."_

"It felt so real, though, Kurt…"

"_Go back to sleep."_

"I can't sleep; I'm scared to sleep," Blaine speaks softly.

"_Do you want me to sing to you?"_

"Please?"

"_Close your eyes, alright? I promise I'll be there in the morning. I love you, Blaine_," Kurt's voice is soothing, and Blaine lets his eyes drift closed as Kurt starts to softly sing him back to sleep.

Everything is okay.

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**See? Happy!**


End file.
